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00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:24,070
Jay was full of helpful tips, and this
morning's were about how to make the

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00:00:24,070 --> 00:00:25,510
most of the space in your caravan.

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00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:29,550
So I had one bent over the table here.
There was one up here I was fingering,

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00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,490
and I was just toe-fucking the one on
the floor.

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00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:35,050
Whilst your parents were sleeping in
bunk beds just over there. Quality. It's

6
00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:36,610
amazing how good you are with birds,
Jay.

7
00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:38,630
What can I say? It's a gift.

8
00:00:39,050 --> 00:00:40,970
So when do we get to meet these three
lucky ladies?

9
00:00:41,210 --> 00:00:42,430
Well, you can't. They've gone back to
the Playboy Mansion.

10
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,980
Of course, because if you lived in the
Playboy Mansion, you'd definitely

11
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:46,800
holiday in Great Yarmouth. Well, they
did.

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00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,640
I told you you should have come on
holiday with us, Si.

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00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:50,480
I don't want made-up Playboy models.

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00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,260
I just want a nice girlfriend who'll
maybe have sex with me. I'll ready my

15
00:00:54,260 --> 00:00:56,720
sister's gratio that birds like it if
you ask them questions.

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00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,720
If you want to get a girlfriend, you
should probably try that.

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00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,020
Really? Yeah, that works.

18
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,700
Of course, the only question I ask them
is which hole do you want it in first.

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00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:03,699
Great, thanks.

20
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:04,700
What are you lot up to?

21
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,160
Is Jay showing you where he used to shag
the cushions?

22
00:01:07,530 --> 00:01:09,250
He thinks me and his mum don't know
about that.

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00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,810
Come on, Dad. We've had to replace the
covers twice.

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00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:14,350
Jay was just telling us about the birds
he pulled in Norfolk.

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00:01:14,610 --> 00:01:16,550
Oh, right, was he? Yeah, you remember,
right, Dad?

26
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:20,650
Well, he's a total bullshitter then, cos
the only pussy he's ever touched was his

27
00:01:20,650 --> 00:01:21,790
mum's when he fell out of it.

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00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:23,750
See you later.

29
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,970
He's such a wind-up merchant.

30
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:32,530
So with Mr Cartwright confirming that
Jay hadn't hosted an orgy on the fold

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00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:35,130
-out table, we began to question a few
other things he'd said.

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00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,170
Oh, yeah, what else have I ever said
that's bullshit?

33
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,450
That your mate can squeeze himself into
a microwave.

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00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:42,870
Yeah, a good-sized one. That your dad
fought Muhammad Ali as an amateur and

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00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,370
beat him. It was on a points decision.

36
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,190
No, it was just from this morning. I
could go on.

37
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:51,230
This fag's not funny.

38
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:52,690
Holy shit!

39
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:53,990
Was Donovan smoking drugs?

40
00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,210
In the open? On a school day?

41
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,920
Don't shit yourself, talk to Frank. It's
just a bit of puff.

42
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,160
Everyone does a bit of puff.

43
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:04,220
All right, do they? It's just I don't,
you don't, and not as anyone we know.

44
00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:06,680
What are you talking about? I do it all
the time. Old, do you?

45
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,880
Yes, but obviously not with you sad-os.
I do it with me older mate. Has this

46
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,960
imaginary mate got a name, then? Look, I
go around here, so we get nicely stoned

47
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,560
listening to music, a bit of reggae, or
we go to gigs.

48
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:16,940
Everyone does it at gigs.

49
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,480
Just pass the puff around, share the
love. The birds love it. Is it true it

50
00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:22,480
makes your teeth feel funny?

51
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,870
Yeah, but I'm hardcore, so it doesn't
really affect me. Well, it is true the

52
00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:27,550
effects are lessened if you only pretend
to take it.

53
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,860
Not that I have to prove anything to
you, Muggs, but the other day we got his

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00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:34,380
dog stoned and he got the munchies, so
he ran away for an hour. When he'd come

55
00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,380
back, it nicked a packet of Bob Muggs
from the all-night garage.

56
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,160
What does that even mean? All you need
to know is I can get you as much gear as

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00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,560
you like, whenever you like. I don't
want any, ever.

58
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:45,400
I suppose when you think about it,
everything's drugs, isn't it? No, not

59
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:50,520
really. Yeah, you know, like beer, this
spring, coffee, trainers, chicken

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00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,120
nuggets, cling film. Right, last of
last.

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00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:59,610
Plants, clothes, car tyres, calculators,
wasps. Yeah, that's right.

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00:03:00,070 --> 00:03:02,350
Simon's off to get his fix now. What,
Si's doing drugs?

63
00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:03,830
Yeah, he's addicted to crack, Neil.

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00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:05,249
Carly's crack.

65
00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,250
Oh, yeah. Nice one.

66
00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:08,670
I'm not an expert, but here's a tip.

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00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:11,610
Don't literally run after a girl you
fancy.

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00:03:11,830 --> 00:03:15,950
It makes you look needy, and unless
they're desperate or mental, it won't

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00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:16,950
work.

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00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:18,510
Oh, sorry.

71
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,560
It's okay. No, sorry, I really didn't
mean to sit on you. No, cos that would

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00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,379
be weird.

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00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:24,380
Ah, yeah.

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00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,800
Yeah. Totally.

75
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:27,720
Are you in the lower six?

76
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,620
Yeah. You've probably never noticed me
before because I've just dyed my hair

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00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:32,980
and suddenly grown a pair of tits.

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00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,720
I'm Simon, by the way. I know.

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00:03:38,220 --> 00:03:39,220
Tara.

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00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:40,999
What are you eating?

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00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,360
The NME. I hate it. It's always wrong.
It's basically shit.

82
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:47,580
Still doesn't stop me buying it every
week. Right, every week?

83
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,360
Yep. So you buy it every week? Yeah. Not
every week, though.

84
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:54,000
Yes, every week. So every week?

85
00:03:54,220 --> 00:03:55,220
Are you broken?

86
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:56,980
Have you got a head injury?

87
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:58,940
So you're into music, then?

88
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,200
Yeah, massively.

89
00:04:00,380 --> 00:04:02,680
I'd die without Spotify, and I love
going to gigs.

90
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:03,939
Oh, yeah, the same.

91
00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:05,680
The same what? Same as what you said.

92
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:09,000
Right. So have you been down the
Enterprise, then?

93
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:14,500
Um... Oh, I'm just trying to... They
have loads of brilliant up-and-coming

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00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,779
bands. Oh, I can't quite... I don't
know.

95
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,779
I just... It's cool if you haven't. No,
I don't think so.

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00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:25,500
Well, you should. It's awesome. There's
this band playing Friday for our save.

97
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,860
Oh, they're amazing.

98
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,200
Me and my mate are going.

99
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,540
Sounds cool. I love gigs.

100
00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:31,000
I went to a big gig last year.

101
00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:34,220
My mum took us to see Take That at
Wembley Arena.

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00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,940
Oh. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, yeah. We
were quite far back.

103
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,840
We were sort of on the side. But, no,
they were awesome. My mum went mental

104
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:42,659
for it.

105
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:46,430
Oh, well, to be honest, I don't think
you'd like Valsafe. It's a... Slightly

106
00:04:46,430 --> 00:04:50,810
different vibe to take that. Oh, no, no,
I would. I love all vibes. Fail safe,

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00:04:51,030 --> 00:04:52,030
take that.

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00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:53,890
Reggae.

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00:04:54,130 --> 00:04:56,350
I'd love to come, and I'll even bring
the puff, if you like.

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00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:57,990
Drugs?

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00:04:58,170 --> 00:05:01,510
I didn't think that was your scene.
Didn't you? No, when I'm at gigs, I

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00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,510
always pass the puff around.

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00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:04,090
Share the love.

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00:05:04,190 --> 00:05:08,110
Really? Yeah, I'm pretty cool like that,
but I try and keep it on the down low.

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00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,650
Wow, well, you're doing a great job.

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00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:14,370
Great. Well, I'll see you Friday, then,
and I'll bring enough spliff puff for

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00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:15,990
everyone. Even enough for your mum?

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00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:19,130
No. No, she won't be there. Stupid
bitch.

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00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:20,850
But I'll be there.

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00:05:22,150 --> 00:05:23,150
With the drugs.

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00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:26,290
Why the fuck did you say you bring
drugs? You don't do drugs.

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00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:29,830
I know, but she's fit and I panicked. So
you're going to supply her like some

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00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,310
sort of pimp to a drug-addled
prostitute? Is that what you've become?

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00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:34,750
Oh, calm down, Willie. Just a bit of
puff. Everyone does it.

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00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:36,130
Jay, you can sort me out, right?

126
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:38,150
Slight problem on that front.

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00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:39,610
What, in the past 15 minutes?

128
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,000
Yeah, the mate's fucked off on a gap
year to Afghanistan, trying to get some

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00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,000
pure shit from Sauce.

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00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,040
Of course he has.

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00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,620
Thanks a fucking bunch, Jay.

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00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,740
Will's right, you are a total
bullshitter. Don't blame me.

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00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,260
Drug dealers are unreliable. You could
ask Donovan, Jay. Unless you're scared

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00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:54,999
of him.

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00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,000
Of course not.

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00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,400
I've had a total remark untold times. I
sought him out with Rizzler and Ting.

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00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,820
Oh, so you're a newsagent now, as well
as a liar.

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00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:05,280
All right, I'll ask Donovan. Then,
tomorrow night, when, thanks to me,

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00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,180
we're watching Simon get balls deep in
Tara, we'll see who the liar is. Fine.

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00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,500
We will.

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00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,260
Probably be a bit weird if you two are
there.

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00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:19,120
I don't know what Donovan was smoking,
but it made him spread butter like a

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00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,120
maniac.

144
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,740
What if he throws a toaster at you?

145
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:23,420
Why would he do that? We're mates.

146
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:24,359
Are you?

147
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,239
Sort of.

148
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,820
What the fuck are you two queers doing?
Checking out my arse or something?

149
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,200
Right, come on, let's go.

150
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,780
No, we just wanted a word.

151
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,520
Prick. There's a word.

152
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:33,740
Right, sorry.

153
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,000
We wanted to ask if you could sort us
some puff.

154
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,300
You lost your retarded mind?

155
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,280
It's your churchmates in Afghanistan.

156
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:43,280
What? Nah, look, we'll pay.

157
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:44,880
How much you got?

158
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:47,500
About 20 quid.

159
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,780
Look, I'll do your special team twat
deal.

160
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,580
There you go.

161
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,480
Nah, come on.

162
00:07:09,330 --> 00:07:11,370
What? No, come on, seriously, Mark,
that's... Puff.

163
00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:17,490
Well, no, it's tea, like normal tea. We
just saw you empty the bags. Are you

164
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:18,469
calling me a liar?

165
00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:19,910
You're disrespecting me like that.

166
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:24,470
No, it's just that you did it right in
front of us. I'm going to give you a

167
00:07:24,470 --> 00:07:27,510
chance to apologise for that. Right,
yeah, no, sorry, but... But what?

168
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,270
Nothing. And?

169
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:34,790
Thank you for the puff.

170
00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:38,070
Don't smoke it all at once.

171
00:07:38,799 --> 00:07:42,300
It was the night of Simon's date with
Tara, and to mark the occasion, he had

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00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,300
dressed like a dick.

173
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,380
Are you actually going to wear that?

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00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:45,860
Yes. Interesting.

175
00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:48,220
Look, if I'm going to get a girlfriend,
I'm going to have to try a different

176
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:51,060
plan than the one I had for Carly. Oh,
was there a plan with Carly? I thought

177
00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:53,160
you just lurched from one disaster to
another. Yeah, well, I know what I need

178
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,059
to do with Tara.

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00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:57,760
Just pretend to be someone that I'm not.
That I go to gigs, wear hats, and most

180
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,140
importantly, sort out D-R-U-G-S.

181
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,640
Shh! My mum's in.

182
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:05,460
So? She can spell. Ooh, you two look
very smart. What are you off to? Oh, um,

183
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,240
we're just going to pick up Neil, then
we're going to a gig.

184
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:08,460
A gig?

185
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,980
Wow. Yeah, I remember my first gig. In
excess, Hammersmith Odeon, one of the

186
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,980
band members went off stage, then came
back on a skateboard. We all screamed.

187
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,320
Yeah, looking back, I'm not sure why he
did it.

188
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,720
We're going to go now.

189
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:24,340
Well, have fun, and if anyone does offer
you any D-R-U-G-S, be careful.

190
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,440
What? I overheard you.

191
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,480
Oh, it's OK, Bethel. I know boys will be
boys, but I can trust you to do the

192
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,480
responsible thing.

193
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,860
Very lucky to have you, cos you're so
boring.

194
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:36,400
Boring? Well, not boring.

195
00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:37,940
Just... Scared of things.

196
00:08:38,289 --> 00:08:39,590
Scared? Sensible.

197
00:08:39,809 --> 00:08:40,809
That's the word I'm looking for.

198
00:08:41,049 --> 00:08:44,130
Sensible. You're very sensible, so I
don't have to worry about you as much.

199
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:45,850
Because you're so scared.

200
00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:47,270
Thanks, Mum.

201
00:08:48,670 --> 00:08:53,510
Instead of D-R-U-G-S, Jay had bought
P-G-T-I-P-S, which he spent the last

202
00:08:53,510 --> 00:08:55,170
hour failing to roll up into a joint.

203
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,850
I still can't believe you're going
through with this, Si.

204
00:08:58,110 --> 00:09:00,670
Oh, come on, Will. It's just the little
spleef.

205
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,690
Is that meant to be funny?

206
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,230
Is that drug humour?

207
00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:06,470
I like Cliff Richard.

208
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:10,900
If you don't like it, fuck off. No, I'll
stay and laugh at you. Jay, I've heard

209
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,880
smoking's well bad for your chest. Can't
we just, like, make tea with it instead?

210
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,240
No.

211
00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:17,840
You can't make tea with this type,
remember, Neil?

212
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:19,740
Oh, yeah.

213
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:21,380
Why not?

214
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,060
Cos... ..it's stronger if you eat it.

215
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:27,960
Oh, we could bake it into chocolate
brownies. Cool.

216
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,280
Delicious. Who knows the recipe?

217
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:31,600
Like General Lawson?

218
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:34,050
Look, we haven't got time to fucking
bake cakes. My dad's going to be here to

219
00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:36,530
pick us up in a minute. I just want to
try it before I meet Tara.

220
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:40,010
Well, I can cook toast and eggs. What
about putting it in egg on toast? Would

221
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:40,809
that work, Jay?

222
00:09:40,810 --> 00:09:42,170
Um, it might do.

223
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:43,490
Drugs on eggs on toast.

224
00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:45,250
Are you not worried it might lead to
harder stuff?

225
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,330
Beans on toast. Maybe a sausage.

226
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:48,810
Or I can make jelly.

227
00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:50,470
Right, fuck it, I'm brewing some hashed
tea.

228
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:53,610
The one thing Jay didn't want Simon to
do with the tea was make tea.

229
00:09:53,830 --> 00:09:57,290
Because he'd find out it was tea. I told
you, Si, there were supply issues.

230
00:09:57,570 --> 00:09:59,390
The main issue being Donovan supplied
you with tea.

231
00:10:00,290 --> 00:10:05,050
Oi! And so refreshed, but in no way
high, Simon headed for his date with

232
00:10:05,050 --> 00:10:06,890
Tara. You lot seem very quiet tonight.

233
00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:09,330
Yeah, well, it's better than hearing
non-stop bullshit.

234
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:11,530
Language. What's that in your head,
Simon?

235
00:10:11,990 --> 00:10:13,030
Oh, I don't know, Dad.

236
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,610
Oh, yeah, it's a hat.

237
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,270
Obviously. God.

238
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:17,570
Looks bloody stupid.

239
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,370
We tried to tell him. You look like a
butcher.

240
00:10:19,590 --> 00:10:20,770
Pete Doherty wears them, actually.

241
00:10:21,010 --> 00:10:24,350
Pete Doherty's butcher wears them. Oh, I
forgot you're a comedian as well as a

242
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:25,049
cab driver.

243
00:10:25,050 --> 00:10:26,130
Oi, I'm doing you a favour.

244
00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:29,250
Why are you wearing it anyway? You've
never worn anything like that before.

245
00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:32,590
He's meeting a bird. Neil! Knew it.
You've got that look in your eye.

246
00:10:32,810 --> 00:10:35,730
What? Sort of an animal look. I've seen
it when you watch TV sometimes.

247
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,850
X-Factor and that. What, when he sees
Louis Walsh? Funny.

248
00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:40,570
No, thankfully, Cheryl Cole.

249
00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:43,030
If his mum's in the room, he has to pop
a pillow over his lap.

250
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:48,370
It wasn't exactly take that at Wembley
Arena, but the Enterprise had everything

251
00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:49,910
you could want from a local music venue.

252
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,570
Bar staff who didn't ask for ID.

253
00:10:52,010 --> 00:10:55,090
a worrying lack of fire exits, and a
horrific smell from the toilets.

254
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:56,310
Can you see Tara anywhere?

255
00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:59,230
I'll just follow the puddles, mate.
She's that fucking wet for you. Can you

256
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:01,730
hear something, Will? I can smell
bullshit, but I can't hear anything.

257
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,110
Well, stop being a baby.

258
00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:06,130
Simon, I think it's probably for the
best that you don't have any drugs. I'm

259
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:07,250
sure Tara will understand.

260
00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:08,590
Have you got a girlfriend?

261
00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:11,710
No. You know that. Then you'll excuse me
if I don't give a shit what you think?

262
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:13,970
You can share mine if you like, Si. I've
got some tabs.

263
00:11:14,510 --> 00:11:16,150
What? Like LSD?

264
00:11:16,450 --> 00:11:18,210
No, I nicked some of my dad's sleeping
pills.

265
00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:22,130
Apparently, if you mix them with Ribena,
red wine and cough mixture, it gives you

266
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,129
a well good buzz.

267
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:24,730
Is the buzz crippling stomach acid?

268
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,150
Oh, yeah, no, it's good, that.

269
00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:29,410
Like, mixing some Lucozade as well gives
it a more crunchy buzz.

270
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,430
Thanks, Neil, but I think Tara's
expecting me to have some puff, so I'm

271
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:34,550
fucked because someone is a total
bullshitter.

272
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:37,490
Fucking hell, if you're going to be so
menstrual about it, I'll go and score

273
00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:38,329
some shit here.

274
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,550
Oh, yes, off you go, just score,
Scarface.

275
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:41,599
I will.

276
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,420
You coming, Neil? Yeah, right. Oh, get
us a Ribena and wine, Si, half and half,

277
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,500
yeah? It's got to be quite specific.

278
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,160
Specific?

279
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:50,940
Fucking Simon. I have to do everything
for him.

280
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:52,940
He'll probably want me to bone that girl
for him, too.

281
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,160
Show her how it's done properly.

282
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,660
Exactly. So when you do it, do you do
more like bump or grind?

283
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,080
What? I was just thinking about whether
it's best to bump or grind, cos, I mean,

284
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:03,920
you can only do one or the other when
you think about it.

285
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,560
Nah, not me, mate. No, I do both. And I
slap.

286
00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:08,780
I all love a slap.

287
00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:09,860
You're not bullshitting me, are you?

288
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:13,150
Oh, what? Neil, come on, mate. Sorry,
it's just that you keep saying you can

289
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:16,030
get loads of drugs, and so far the only
drugs you've got is tea, and it just

290
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:19,070
makes me think... Neil, don't, all
right? Just don't, OK?

291
00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:23,110
I haven't scored any gear yet, because
where am I supposed to get it from? My

292
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,070
mate's in Afghanistan. I can't help
that. And there's no-one here dealing.

293
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:28,770
What about him?

294
00:12:32,170 --> 00:12:33,550
Shit. Right.

295
00:12:34,110 --> 00:12:35,170
Er, yeah.

296
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:36,890
You going over, then? Yes.

297
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:38,830
You'd better come too.

298
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:39,930
You know, it's muscle.

299
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,180
Right, cool.

300
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,400
Look, Art, this might get tasty.

301
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:48,719
Oh, can I have some gum?

302
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:49,720
I ain't got any, I'm pretending.

303
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,440
Right, mate.

304
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:54,760
Hi.

305
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,220
My mate wanted to say something to you.

306
00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:58,220
Yeah?

307
00:12:58,780 --> 00:12:59,780
Sort me out, geezer.

308
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,180
What?

309
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,200
Please sort me out, geezer.

310
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,080
I've got 20 quid.

311
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,460
So what? What do you want from me?

312
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,140
You know, gear.

313
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:09,830
Sweet Mary Jane.

314
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:11,269
Get in your man.

315
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,710
Ah, so you want to buy drugs.

316
00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:15,850
And you came to me. Why? Well, cos we
saw you... Cos I'm black.

317
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:18,830
Saw a black guy at a gig, thought, must
be a drug dealer.

318
00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:21,750
No, we didn't. You fucking white boys
are all the same. You scratch beneath

319
00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,510
the surface just a little bit and you're
racist.

320
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:24,870
Yeah, that's right, I said it.

321
00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:26,290
Racist.

322
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:29,090
But have you got any drugs?

323
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:33,990
Yes, I have, but that's not the point.
Point is, you assumed I had some just

324
00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:34,990
cos I'm black.

325
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:37,210
Could we buy some, please?

326
00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:38,470
Why should I deal to you?

327
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:42,470
Hmm? Why should I deal to two little
suburban racists who see me as some kind

328
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:43,369
of a stereotype?

329
00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:44,370
I'm at university.

330
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:48,010
But you're a drug dealer as well, yeah?
Yes, I do deal, but you keep missing the

331
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:51,390
point. Look, here's 30 quid. Can we just
have some puff?

332
00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:53,510
Yes, you can.

333
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:55,330
But only because I'm a dealer.

334
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:56,790
Not because I'm black.

335
00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:58,550
Now fuck off.

336
00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:03,650
Can you roll it up for us, please?

337
00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:07,310
If ever there was an advertisement for
drugs not being cool...

338
00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:08,660
Jay was it.

339
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,500
My first ever gig was in full swing.

340
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:21,480
And if Simon searched for his date, I
was enjoying it. In a way. Do you like

341
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,360
the taste of beer? I don't know if I do,
actually.

342
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,040
What the fuck's this?

343
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,299
What? Oh, hi!

344
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,960
I didn't realise Pete Doherty was coming
along.

345
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:28,899
Is he?

346
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,820
No, I mean you, you twat.

347
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,680
Oh, right, because of the hat?

348
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,300
No, because you fucked Kate Moss.

349
00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:35,640
Obviously it's the hat.

350
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:36,920
Hi, I'm Will.

351
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:39,290
Are you the guy who shit himself in the
exam?

352
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:43,510
Yep. Now, Tara, don't you think it's
just cool here? Great vibe, no need to

353
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:46,890
drink too much or take anything to make
it better. Could not get better, could

354
00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:48,070
it? Jay sorted it.

355
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:49,069
No way.

356
00:14:49,070 --> 00:14:52,190
Yep, no bullshit. He's totally done it.
The man even rolled one up for us. Oh,

357
00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:53,630
cool. Yeah, of course.

358
00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:55,190
He's waiting outside.

359
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:58,050
I don't want to be a killjoy, but I just
think you should remember that what

360
00:14:58,050 --> 00:14:59,050
you're about to do is illegal.

361
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:02,870
So is doing bombs in the swimming pool,
but I do that because it's fun, yeah?

362
00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:04,410
Come on, Simon.

363
00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:07,449
Technically, that's not illegal.

364
00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:11,830
I didn't know which was worse, that my
friend was about to do drugs just to

365
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,530
impress a girl, or the smug look on
Jay's face.

366
00:15:14,890 --> 00:15:16,210
Here we go, boys and girls.

367
00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:17,269
Hello, Paul.

368
00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:18,750
Nice. So you've actually got it, then?

369
00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:21,350
Look, when I say I'm going to deliver, I
fucking deliver.

370
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:23,870
Like a postman with Tourette's? Right,
who's first?

371
00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:25,150
I've never done it before.

372
00:15:25,450 --> 00:15:26,069
Haven't you?

373
00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:27,330
No, go on, Simon, show me how.

374
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,390
Maybe Jay should go first, because he
sorted it. Only fair.

375
00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:31,970
Nah, nah, I'm cool.

376
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:35,030
Taking a breather. I'll smoke one the
size of a parsnip whilst I was waiting

377
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:36,030
for you latecomers.

378
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:38,100
Or maybe ladies first, so that is you.

379
00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,020
No, I'm nervous. Go on.

380
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,280
Okay, alright.

381
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:43,300
I suppose.

382
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:50,140
I couldn't really blame Simon. If I
thought a fit girl like Tara might get

383
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:52,640
off with me, I'd probably mainline
heroin into my eyeball.

384
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,960
Great. That was really great. Here you
go.

385
00:15:58,220 --> 00:15:59,840
What? You didn't even inhale.

386
00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:02,240
You've got to take it right in like a
cigarette.

387
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,360
Oh, yeah.

388
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,389
I know.

389
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:09,430
no sometimes i do it that way because it
just gets your um cheeks nicely stoned

390
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:12,230
but no i'll have a go your way

391
00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:19,670
that

392
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:26,130
definitely went in that time right in
the lungs tara cool

393
00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:30,510
how your cheeks feeling now have they
got the munchies

394
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:36,820
Can I have a go, please?

395
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:38,100
All right, sorry.

396
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:39,760
This is cool.

397
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,540
Just us here, smoking a foul doobie. Oh,
yeah.

398
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:47,880
Hanging out by some bins near a skip, in
the cold, doing drugs.

399
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,260
Oh, it's very cool.

400
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:50,780
Very cool indeed.

401
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,080
Oh, yeah, that is good weed.

402
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:57,160
Nil. No, I'm all right. I've got my
sleeping tabs.

403
00:16:57,580 --> 00:16:58,920
What about the Ribena and wine?

404
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,100
I had that earlier. It all gets mixed up
in my tummy anyway, so it should be all

405
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,580
right. What about you just say no?

406
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,359
Are you still too scared? Oh, yes, I'm
scared.

407
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,260
Scared that you three won't think I'm
cool enough to hang out with anymore.

408
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,500
Oh, no.

409
00:17:10,859 --> 00:17:13,099
Oh, no, it felt safe. Shit, we can't
miss them.

410
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,300
No way, Jose!

411
00:17:16,180 --> 00:17:17,180
Come on, then, guys.

412
00:17:17,339 --> 00:17:18,480
No, you're all right, Jose.

413
00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:20,839
I was questioning my beliefs.

414
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:25,099
If winners don't do drugs, how come
Simon was off with lovely Tara whilst I

415
00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:27,819
was stuck with two morons, half a lager
and a bottle of cough syrup?

416
00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:30,420
Oh, I'm definitely feeling something
now. This is good weed.

417
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:32,580
I might try and get shipment in for
Glastonbury.

418
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,760
Yes, I mean, it's the next logical step
from buying a small amount for you and a

419
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,880
friend, dealing to 70,000 people in a
field.

420
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,200
All right, all right, keep it down.

421
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:40,720
You never know who's listening.

422
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,780
Who? Old Bill?

423
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,339
Undercover Bacon?

424
00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:47,480
These places are usually crawling with
filth. I've got to keep on my guard.

425
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:48,820
I think I'm coming up.

426
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,420
How many singers are on stage?

427
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:51,860
It looks like five.

428
00:17:52,060 --> 00:17:53,740
I don't know. Ask Professor Downer,
he'll know.

429
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,620
Just because you've had a puff on your
first joint doesn't mean you're Kurt

430
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:59,880
Cobain. Look, if you want to be a
mummy's boy, that's fine. But stop

431
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:00,880
trying to bring us down, man.

432
00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:04,580
Am I a mummy's boy because I refuse to
bow to peer pressure, or am I, in fact,

433
00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:05,379
the opposite?

434
00:18:05,380 --> 00:18:06,379
You're a mummy's boy.

435
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:08,840
Go on, Bill, have a puff. Show us you're
not scared.

436
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,620
Well, I would, but I don't actually
smoke, because, oh, what's that thing

437
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:12,620
you get when you smoke?

438
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,820
Sex? No, cancer, Neil. Well, fine, eat
it, then.

439
00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:19,040
I could do, but as I keep explaining, I
have no interest in getting, as you say,

440
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,900
high. I feel brilliant.

441
00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:23,810
Well, from the outside, you seem
basically the same, but a bit more

442
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,350
boring. It's all right, Neil.

443
00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:26,950
He's scared.

444
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,110
Of course.

445
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:29,290
Scared.

446
00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:30,430
Give it here, then.

447
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:39,230
Right, happy now? So you can shut up
about how you like to chase the bloody

448
00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:43,050
dragon. I've had some. I feel fine.
Let's move on. Fucking hell, not all of

449
00:18:43,050 --> 00:18:47,070
it! You've eaten all of it! Yes, so in
my life, I've had even more drugs than

450
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:48,250
you, and I still think it's pathetic.

451
00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:50,050
I told you to keep that on the down low.

452
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:51,680
He looks federal.

453
00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:56,740
So while I tried to work out what
federal meant, Simon was experiencing

454
00:18:56,740 --> 00:19:00,140
moshing for the first time, which is a
bit like being beaten up to music.

455
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,440
This is so fucking cool!

456
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,640
Yeah, fucking cool! Easy, mate.

457
00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:10,680
Oh, a bit aggressive, but cool.

458
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:17,280
Simon, you're going to mosh and I'll
crush you! All right, that's what we do,

459
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:18,380
is it?

460
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:29,270
Back at my Mensa meeting, things were
starting to happen. Tuesday then, yeah?

461
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:32,190
Are you all right, Neil?

462
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:34,170
You're dribbling.

463
00:19:34,330 --> 00:19:35,330
Yeah, thanks.

464
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:36,550
You can have it back Tuesday.

465
00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:45,690
When it came to killing off brain cells,
Neil had very little room for manoeuvre.

466
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:49,490
Meanwhile, Tara, being a combination of
stoned and concussed, was working in

467
00:19:49,490 --> 00:19:50,349
Simon's favour.

468
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:51,350
Is your nose OK?

469
00:19:51,430 --> 00:19:53,810
My nose is OK, but I still feel a bit
queasy.

470
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:55,290
If I see the boat that did it, I'll...

471
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:56,980
Grr, you know.

472
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,440
You're what?

473
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,820
Dunno. Did you say grr?

474
00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:03,340
I think I did.

475
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,940
Oh, grr!

476
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:06,660
Like a tiger?

477
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,400
I'm Tony the Tiger.

478
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:10,520
Grr! Grr!

479
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,260
More! Grr!

480
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:17,380
Grr! I'm sure pretending to be a big cat
or a slow-moving robot wasn't the

481
00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:20,640
standard reaction to doing drugs, but I
would have taken either of those over

482
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,720
what was going on in my head. I don't
want to sound mental, but I'm starting

483
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:24,860
to feel a bit like I'm in a bubble.

484
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:26,820
Is this what being high is?

485
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:28,880
Do you feel like you're in a thick
bubble?

486
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:35,480
No, it's cold. I feel pretty nice. Like,
up, but down, but chilled, but, like,

487
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,800
ready to do it. Oh, God, this isn't
good.

488
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:39,020
I feel unusual.

489
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,980
Why did you let me eat it?

490
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,540
Why? My arms feel odd.

491
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,740
Oh, just shut up. Enjoy it.

492
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:47,760
Jay, I think I'm going wrong.

493
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,200
Time is going by.

494
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:53,700
Really, really, really, really slowly.

495
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,000
You need to call an ambulance right now
because I can't use the phone, my arms

496
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,180
don't work and my hands are sausages.

497
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:00,920
Fuck off.

498
00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:02,240
Jay, I'm serious.

499
00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:03,760
We feel miles away.

500
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,580
I think I might be dying.

501
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,260
What if I'm a dead person?

502
00:21:07,780 --> 00:21:08,780
Please call an ambulance.

503
00:21:09,020 --> 00:21:11,900
I can't call an ambulance because
they'll bring the fucking police and

504
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:12,900
I'll get done for dealing.

505
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,100
And with looks like this, if I go to
prison, my anal virginity won't last a

506
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:22,120
day. But... My hands... I'm not calling
an ambulance. Stop being a baby and just

507
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,120
ride it out.

508
00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:24,180
Oh, God.

509
00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:29,260
Neil! Neil!

510
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,840
You've got to help me. Everything is
going flat, and I think I might be dead.

511
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,280
Huh?

512
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:36,660
Help me!

513
00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:38,260
I'm getting random arm movements!

514
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:39,900
Sleepy time.

515
00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:41,220
Sleepy time.

516
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:43,800
So I couldn't rely on Neil.

517
00:21:44,020 --> 00:21:47,200
But I knew one thing for sure. I had to
stop my fucking arms.

518
00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:54,610
Can I say something?

519
00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:57,170
I don't know, can you? You just did, so
probably yes.

520
00:21:57,670 --> 00:22:00,090
OK, clever clogs, can I do something?

521
00:22:00,590 --> 00:22:01,590
Depends what it is.

522
00:22:06,870 --> 00:22:08,050
Tara, what did you want to do?

523
00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:09,910
Oh, this.

524
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,440
My hair feels sick.

525
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,840
It's got to be the joint. I shouldn't
have done it.

526
00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:34,340
Right, maybe stick your fingers down
your throat, try and get it all up, and

527
00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:35,340
then we can go again.

528
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:37,820
Yeah, I think I can make it to the
toilet. Don't move.

529
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:43,040
Listen, Simon, this is very important
information.

530
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:48,240
Call an ambulance and tell them I'm in a
bubble and everything is very flat.

531
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,340
I'm a bit busy here, Will. Can you look
after yourself? I can't stop my arms.

532
00:22:52,220 --> 00:22:53,900
Look how random my arms are.

533
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,500
Look, I'm in here, Will. Can you please
fuck off?

534
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:00,840
Didn't make it.

535
00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:02,880
I needed help.

536
00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:06,880
Jay was useless, Neil was getting an
early night, and Simon was too busy

537
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,460
licking vomit off Tara's tonsils.

538
00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:11,680
Thanks a lot, guys. Cheers. I really
needed help.

539
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,380
How could I get help?

540
00:23:17,140 --> 00:23:18,140
Hello?

541
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:19,760
Hello, everyone.

542
00:23:20,940 --> 00:23:23,060
Can somebody call me an ambulance?

543
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:24,700
Because I'm in trouble.

544
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:32,260
Time is moving really, really slowly and
everything is flat.

545
00:23:33,540 --> 00:23:38,900
I need you to call me an ambulance or
failing that, my mummy.

546
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:47,020
I really want my mummy because, and I'm
not being dramatic, but I think I

547
00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:48,020
might be dead.

548
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,720
Is that clear?

549
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:53,340
Mummy or ambulance?

550
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,820
I don't remember the details of that
night especially well, but I do know

551
00:23:57,820 --> 00:24:01,140
that despite their love of violence, the
bouncers were surprisingly kind to me.

552
00:24:01,660 --> 00:24:04,320
Which could only mean I looked proper
mental.

553
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,820
Are you sure it was just cannabis you
took? I ate it.

554
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,040
I'm really sorry.

555
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,440
Is my mummy coming?

556
00:24:10,020 --> 00:24:11,440
Can you make my arms stop?

557
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:12,640
We'll do our best.

558
00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:17,840
Someone called an ambulance and they're
taking him away?

559
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,860
Oh, fucking Jesus, oh no.

560
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,020
It wasn't me that sold it, right? Not
me.

561
00:24:22,730 --> 00:24:23,850
Oh shit, the blue lights!

562
00:24:24,070 --> 00:24:25,070
It's an ambulance!

563
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:26,870
That's what they want you to believe!

564
00:24:28,470 --> 00:24:33,830
It had been a week of firsts. Our first
gig, our first drugs, the first time we

565
00:24:33,830 --> 00:24:37,230
had to admit Jay had delivered on one of
his bullshit claims, Simon's first

566
00:24:37,230 --> 00:24:41,390
actual girlfriend, and the first time
I'd spent two days in bed, silently

567
00:24:41,390 --> 00:24:43,250
crying and trying to make the walls stop
moving.

568
00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:49,250
If you really want some understanding...

569
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:54,200
You will learn it can be quite
frustrating If you really want to

570
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,340
understand it You will learn it can be
quite demonic